Blah Blah Element Blah Blah

If your tired of reading about Elements you might want to skip this one. 

One thing about finding my Element that I've danced around, but is always in my head is the that I might be able to once again contribute in a meaningful way to my family.  Meh, I know being a full-time mom and homeschooling is contributing.  Whatever.  I feel like a leech.   It's been years since I've done anything that pays me money.  I don't want a J.O.B.  I want to do something that moves me and if it happens to bring in some money, that's awesome too.  I don't mean I want to get rich.  I just want to feel like I have a purpose because it's been a long time since I felt that.  I didn't love working for EarthLink, but at least I got paid.  I loved working for MindSpring though.  I truly did.  If MindSpring still existed and hadn't changed much culturally I think I'd still be there and the kids would be in school.  Is that bad?  I just really loved everything about that company. 

Back to Elements though.  Maybe finding my passion would be enough even if it didn't make money, but since I don't have passion or a job...

Maybe if I could be in love with doing something and it paid me money then I could.  What?  Relieve B from having to work so much/at all?  I don't know. 

I watched Fierce Light:  Where Spirit Meets Action last night.  It was beautiful, you should watch it.  It's available on Netflix streaming.  Anyway, it made me want to do *something* anything.  Is this so hard because I am over-thinking it?  (Duh, right.)  Or is it hard because I am being stubborn?  (Is it????)  Or is it hard because it's all bullshit?  Fuck.