Still on about my Element

Near the end of The Element, I finally read something that clicked specifically with me.  In the chapter For Love or Money, Sir Ken talks about the difference between an amateur and professional.   We generally see amateurs as people who aren't capable of being pros.  But the definition of amateur is, "a person who engages in a study, sport, or other activity for pleasure rather than for financial benefit or professional reasons."  


When I read this I literally had to put the book down and remember to shut my mouth.  Seems so simple!  Going back to my rocky relationship with photography it's easy to see that I have no interest in taking pictures for money.  In many cases, I don't even want to share the pictures with more than a few people.  I take pictures for me and my pleasure.  I feel nearly possessive about it.  


O.k. this is not a totally new revelation for me.  I was talking about it back in May and I've thought about it off and on for a while.  Over the years people have suggested I try to get paid, but I have a million excuses why that won't work.  It comes across as me having no self-confidence.  There is definitely something to that, but that can't be totally it.  I've never had as much self-confidence as I do right now and I still don't want to "do" photography.  It's kind of sad to go back and read posts from late last year and early this year when I was so into stock photography.  It sounds like I gave up, because at the time I was so sure it was going to work.  I learned a lot when I was reading those forums and trying to achieve a certain quality level.  There are a lot of factors why it didn't work out.  It was going to be a full-time job, there aren't a lot of stock photography subjects in my house, and it was boring after a while.  I can appreciate a nice photo of an apple, but taking that photo is kind of *yawn*.  


Have I come full circle on the photography thing?  Am I now thinking it's my Element?  I still don't know.  Maybe Sir Ken is wrong.  I should probably mention that in my thinking.  But more likely I just haven't found it yet.  I haven't taken the picture that starts it all or met someone from my tribe.  Who knows?